Apurva Asrani shares a disturbing account of homophobic abuse by a neighbour in Goa, highlighting ongoing challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in India.
Apurva,what actually happened?
My partner and I we had been to a get-together. And as we were entering, we greeted the security guard and a very pleasant gentleman. We said goodnight to him, asked if he’d eat and he asked if we’d eat. And we went walking back and suddenly we heard somebody shouting at him. So we turned around and we saw that there is this one neighbour of ours who was calling him all sorts of very bad, bad words and, you know, being very abusive. So we came back and we said, what happened? So he said, no, see, he wants to park in front of the gate. And so if he parks in front of the gate, how will vehicles come in and out? I’m trying to tell him not to and he won’t listen. And the guy wasn’t overtly drunk, but he was a little high, you know. So I reasoned with him, I said, by his name, I said, because I’ve seen him for a few years. And I said, would you please just mind parking there? Because we know our vehicles won’t be able to come in and out and whatever. So he started saying, who are you? Tu kaun hota hai? Tu kaun hota hai, b******d? Tu kaun hota hai, bolne wala? So I said, just please don’t talk to me rudely like this. And why are you speaking to him like this? I’m just telling you not to park here because you can’t park in front of the gate.Because you own the gate, you own this or whatever, whatever. So my partner stepped in and said, listen, please don’t abuse him and all that. And he came to push us. Now, my partner almost retaliated to push him back. You know, we are strong men, we’re not afraid, you know, we would have floored the guy, had him on the floor in seconds. But I stopped him and I said, look, what’s the difference between him and us if that’s what we are going to do? I think, you know, there are enough cameras around in case he acts funny, it will capture it. Don’t get into a physical altercation with him. So we restrained ourselves, thankfully. The guy also realized that, you know, this is all on camera and all of that. So he grudgingly, we didn’t move from that spot, all three of us, we didn’t let him park there. So he went and parked in the designated area. And as we were walking back, he came charging into the complex, threatening us and saying that, you know, I’ll break your legs and you people, you faggots and you, you hijras and you chakkas. And you take it up like this and you take it up like that. And all those horrible, dirty things, the worst things. I mean, I’m just not good with bad words. But he just went on, went on swearing. And my partner said, you better not abuse. He said, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? I’ll come and show you, I’ll show you. So I pulled him away. I said, don’t. I said, just don’t. So the guy says, oh, you people, you’re after men and all of that. My partner said to him, have you seen your face? So he said, we would never be, no man or woman would be after you. So he basically told him and, but we didn’t respond with bad words.And we didn’t touch him back. Then he went around the whole complex shouting at every block saying we are gay and we are hijras and we are chakkas. And, and we went up to our house and then he came to our block and threatened us again, saying that I’ll show you, get out of the building and I’ll show you, I’ll show you what I am and all of that. And nobody came out to, to say anything. And, but then when we were walking the dogs, he started shouting from upstairs, bho*** ke, chakke and all of that. And we, we ignored it.
What happened next?
The next day we put it on the association group. And there was definitely some sympathy, but I think people don’t take it too seriously because after all, it’s men, right? They think men can just handle it with men. They don’t realize that this is not just man versus man.This is about a toxic masculine society that has bullied a certain section of society and people for centuries and uses that against us, knowing that nobody will come up to support us. And we took him, took these guys on and we went to the homeowner and we demanded action. It’s a very relaxed society. People are generally very nice here in Goa. You know, they, they believe in living and live and let live. They have a life where they’re not really trying to like bother you or bother about what you’re up to, what you stand for, who you are, what your credentials are, none of that.You know, you show up at the table as an equal, you give respect, you get respect. The weather is nice. The atmosphere is nice. It’s clean. It’s good air. And that’s why I chose Goa.
Is this your first encounter with fullblown homophobia?
No, this is not my first experience with homophobia. I first experienced homophobia in my own home when my father, ignorant of my own sexuality, when I was a child, with his other buddies, friends, would make fun of somebody who was obviously gay and they worked with and they made gay jokes. That was the first experience of homophobia. I’ve seen, homophobia for me has been when Aamir Khan, Chunky Pandey and Javed Jafri in some film played effeminate men in the most disgusting manner. For me, that was homophobia, you know. Homophobia for me has been Karan Johar’s Dostana. And even though there may have been gay people involved in the film, but what that did, the image it put out of the disgust the two men shared when they had to kiss each other, that is homophobia.
So the toxicity of homophobia is all around you?
Having personally dealt with it is one thing, but to have it in your atmosphere is something far more severe. You have to constantly hide from it.You have to constantly either pretend you are not what they make fun of or you have to become so active and so combative almost that when you say that you are, you are ready to fight. That’s no way for anyone to live. And most people from the community that I call the rangila community, the world calls the LGBTQ community, we deal with homophobia like this.Even when I lived in England and I was with my ex-partner and we were looking for a place to stay up north in England, we were driving. So many BNBs who had vacant signs turned us away because they saw us as a couple. You know, I’ve seen homophobia all around the world.Every house I was evicted from, and I think I was evicted from about four houses when I lived on rent before I could buy. And they evicted me just because they didn’t like that I was gay or they came to know I was gay because I had a partner. They didn’t like the idea. They didn’t like seeing us in the lift. And we were the quietest, most well-behaved neighbors. There were other drunks and people around who would make a ruckus, but they were okay.Men who cheated on women, I mean, you know, catcalled women and stuff like that. They somehow were okay, but we were evicted. One time I was shooting my Tera Mera Pyaar music videos and I was at a shoot and I sent my assistants home to get some extra tapes.We were shooting on beta at the time. And she came back saying, your secretary of the building is not allowing us in. In fact, you’ve been evicted.And I said, what? And I went back because I needed those tapes to shoot. I left my shoot midway. And the security guard says, you can’t even come back to your house today.You come tomorrow, meet him at 11 o’clock and bring a moving van. Why? Because he came to know that the person I said is my cousin is not my cousin. He’s my partner.
So even when you are supposedly surrounded by liberal people, you have to live a lie?
We’ve had to lie, you know, when we’ve had to rent houses to say this is my cousin, this is my friend. Or lie, bring my mother, bless her, she’s been so supportive. Come and say she’ll be living with me.So they feel, you know, there won’t be another guy. And then we’re constantly having to, like, when the maid comes home, the cleaning lady comes home, we’re like, you know, she should know we’re sharing a bed and all of that. We’ve lived our whole lives with this kind of homophobia.So, no, this is not my first experience.
When you were showered with abuses this week did you get any support?
We did not get support from the chairman of our housing society. Even though he said that it’s not good what happened, he didn’t take any action.He didn’t contact the homeowner. He didn’t contact the abusive tenant. He didn’t reach out to us and ask us if we’re okay. We realized that we’ll have to do it ourselves. So we got in touch with the estate manager and he got us in touch with the homeowner who lives in the UK. And to our luck, he happened to be a man who was kind and sensitive and spoke respectfully to me.And he firstly apologized and said, but he will have to investigate. And then he investigated and then he spoke to the night guard. And the night guard testified that this had indeed happened.Then some other neighbour reported screaming in the night. And then he gave the tenant a 24-hour right of reply to which the man finally admitted that he had acted improperly and didn’t want to be evicted. But the homeowner issued him an eviction notice.He asked us, how long can we give him a month? Can we give him two weeks is what his contract says. But he’s asking for a month. Can we show some mercy? And to be very honest with you, I really wanted to show him some mercy, but decided against it.Because I think we wanted to set an example. He claims to be a wealthy person. He can live in an Airbnb if he has to till he finds a place.
What would you like to say to homophobic people out there?
I think for our own society and now through a mediaperson like you and various people, we want the rest of the country to know that you cannot get away with treating us like this. We are human beings. You can’t just toss us out of our houses or make us feel unsafe in our own houses.There will be repercussions. And, you know, he is getting evicted and 4th of July is his final day here. We hope he doesn’t do anything other drama. And we also hope that he actually gets evicted and the homeowners promised if he doesn’t comply, police will be called in. It’s amazing. I mean, this is not the world I grew up in. In India, there were no laws to protect us. We were criminals till 2018. And today we have some rights, I feel. So fingers crossed. So what happened here was that this is my own apartment in my own apartment complex where I’ve lived for the last six years. My partner and I, we came back home and it was around midnight.
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